I have a friend who recently transitioned from career mom to stay-at-home mom (which is still a working mom, but I digress).

We went out to breakfast one morning and she broke down. “I just feel like I’m such a bad mom.” She went through her list of incomplete chores and moments of impatience, and when she got to the end, I told her, “you’re not a bad mom! You’re just average!”

Laughing (and calling me a name or two), she said she thought I was going to tell her she’s a great mom.

Nope. Hear me out.

At some point we all fall behind with laundry and let the dust pile up. We all stop at McDonalds more than we should. We all lose our cool and our control and our marbles.

We all feel inadequate.

I can tell you that it’s only natural to feel that way. I can assure you that even the gentlest of the gentle parents have lost their patience and yelled at their kids. I can share with you that all of my guest linens have been piled (unwashed) on the workbench in my garage and will likely stay that way until someone decides to visit. I can guarantee you that for every perfect square on instagram, there is chaos in the wider shot. I can commiserate with you, glass of wine in hand, in your living room surrounded by toys and balled up socks and goldfish crackers.

I can laugh with you and tell you what an average mom you are.

But when you truly need the validation that you are a great mom (because we all need deserve that from time to time), the only ones who can remind us that we are doing a great job are the ones who call us mom.

Take the time to snuggle up with them and ask them how they are doing. Talk to them about what makes them happy. Ask them if there is anything you do that makes them sad. Sincerely listen to what they have to say (even when phrases like ‘you don’t give us enough ice cream!’ inevitably come up). Let them know that even you are still growing and learning and have moments of impatience and anger. Remind them how much you love them, how important they are to you, and how proud of them you are.

Do not measure your worth as a mom by how much you can clean in one day or how many vegetables your kids are willing to eat. Measure it by the joy and love you share with your children every day, by the forgiveness and respect you show for each other.

Don’t aim for perfection, embrace being average.